Broken Into Beautiful…

With every single second of life, a person may ask the question; “Do you find beauty in your brokenness?” Even though smiling on the outside, doesn’t even paint a picture of what is truly coming from the inside. Somewhere in the world, a new mom and dad’s heart is shattering into a million pieces.  It is hard living in a world where very little knowledge is known of a diagnosis that is rare. Brokenness is often felt by parents who have children with special needs. Sometimes it boils down to the fact of wanting to fix what is broken, but most of the time, parents just want answers to all the questions. Parents strive to make life as simple and fun, but nothing is ever simple and sometimes never fun in a special needs world. Humor though is one thing that I find in the midst of circumstances. I am one of the most clumsiest people you would ever meet and I will admit that nine times out of ten, I will make a fool out of myself! haha! This life is exhausting beyond belief!  Living with expectations that never come, and trying to get ahead with all the backward steps, you go to war with your own mind. A parent is always questioning the what if’s and
what could have been’s? I struggle with a few of these questions…..

“Why can’t you find your peace?”,  “Is it too painful?”, “Do you feel worthless?”, “Do you feel as though something is wrong with you?”,  “Do I have what it takes anymore?”  These are questions that were flooding my heart and mind as I was driving on the interstate carrying my son to Children’s Hospital for an infusion. {see INFUSION DAY post} 

I had my earbuds in and my music on and I had forgotten about the many songs that I had on my phone.  I just hit random and the music started.  There was a long pause and I thought I might have hit a wrong button and then this song “Broken into Beautiful” came on. 

You (GOD) change –  Worthless into Precious.  Guilty to Forgiven.  Hungry into Satisfied. Empty into full.  And all the lies are shattered   And we believe we matter when you (GOD) change Broken into Beautiful.

I do feel worthless, but God says “I’m precious.”  I am guilty of my sins.  I fail Him daily, but God says “I’m forgiven.”  I am hungry.  (literally for food all the time.  I could eat some Taco Bell right now! ….)  haha, but seriously, hungry for His Word and food for thought to get me through these uphill, non-stop battles is what I need.  He satisfies my soul!

Why do we turn against the very ONE who says He has us in every way, shape, and form and will NEVER leave us? 

I need a spiritual awakening!  I am broken.  God takes all the emptiness away and fills me with his LOVE.

About Tonya Aycock

Hi, my name is Tonya. I am a wife and mom of two children (Brandon & Brently). I am a born again Christian. My passion is raising awareness for my boys and making sure they have the very best that I can give them. I love singing. I was in a Southern Gospel Group for about three years, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I think most of all, besides the singing, I enjoyed meeting people and sharing my testimony of how God has brought me through. I love playing guitar and hearing my sweet husband play music and sing to our boys. I enjoy making crafts and designing floral arrangements. I love camping. I am always up for a new adventure! I enjoy working in my yard and anything outdoors. I love my home. I like taking pictures of God’s beautiful creation. The hummingbirds, Canadian geese, turtles, and deer are beautiful! I never dreamed that I would enjoy the country as much as I do. I have always been a city kind of girl, so let’s just say I am adjusting to the country's life well. Haha! Another exciting thing about my husband and myself is that we have always wanted to open a restaurant. Maybe one day… who knows…. I created this blog to share the in’s and out’s of daily living of being a mom of children with special needs, how life can change in an instant, losing a child, finding real friendships that live the same kind of life that I do that truly understand, and much more. I love to talk about my faith as I learn how to cope through life (good and bad) together. I want to always put complete control in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, because without Him, I am nothing. My prayer is that I can somehow help someone by sharing my story. It is most definitely easier said than done, and I fail daily, but striving to make things work in a world that doesn’t understand is just one of the reasons I am here, writing and sharing my story and trying to be the best me as I can and being the best mother that my children will love and respect and see me survive and thrive as I watch them surviving two thriving in life. But, most of all that they see Jesus in me. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 God has a plan for my life and my family as well and for who is reading this right now. I can only hope and pray that I am doing what He has called me to do…… Being a wife, mom, advocate of special needs, a friend, encourager, but most of all… a servant of His. This has been and continues to be a unique life raising my SuPeR HeRo children dancing in the rain of the beautiful, messy life!
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1 Response to Broken Into Beautiful…

  1. Amen, Tonya – oh to keep our eyes on our Lord and what He says of us! You are loved…

    ~Linda Kennedy

    Like

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