With every single second of life, a person may ask the question; “Do you find beauty in your brokenness?” Even though smiling on the outside, doesn’t even paint a picture of what is truly coming from the inside. Somewhere in the world, a new mom and dad’s heart is shattering into a million pieces.  It is hard living in a world where very little knowledge is known of a diagnosis that is rare. Brokenness is often felt by parents who have children with special needs. Sometimes it boils down to the fact of wanting to fix what is broken, but most of the time, parents just want answers to all the questions. Parents strive to make life as simple and fun, but nothing is ever simple and sometimes never fun in a special needs world. Humor though is one thing that I find in the midst of circumstances. I am one of the most clumsiest people you would ever meet and I will admit that nine times out of ten, I will make a fool out of myself! haha! This life is exhausting beyond belief!  Living with expectations that never come, and trying to get ahead with all the backward steps, you go to war with your own mind. A parent is always questioning the what if’s and
what could have been’s? I struggle with a few of these questions…..

“Why can’t you find your peace?”,  “Is it too painful?”, “Do you feel worthless?”, “Do you feel as though something is wrong with you?”,  “Do I have what it takes anymore?”  These are questions that were flooding my heart and mind as I was driving on the interstate carrying my son to Children’s Hospital for an infusion. {see INFUSION DAY post} 

I had my earbuds in and my music on and I had forgotten about the many songs that I had on my phone.  I just hit random and the music started.  There was a long pause and I thought I might have hit a wrong button and then this song “Broken into Beautiful” came on. 

You (GOD) change –  Worthless into Precious.  Guilty to Forgiven.  Hungry into Satisfied. Empty into full.  And all the lies are shattered   And we believe we matter when you (GOD) change Broken into Beautiful.

I do feel worthless, but God says “I’m precious.”  I am guilty of my sins.  I fail Him daily, but God says “I’m forgiven.”  I am hungry.  (literally for food all the time.  I could eat some Taco Bell right now! ….)  haha, but seriously, hungry for His Word and food for thought to get me through these uphill, non-stop battles is what I need.  He satisfies my soul!

Why do we turn against the very ONE who says He has us in every way, shape, and form and will NEVER leave us? 

I need a spiritual awakening!  I am broken.  God takes all the emptiness away and fills me with his LOVE.