Missing You: God’s Timing

I can’t believe that it’s been five years since I held him in my arms.  He ran to Jesus at 8:30pm this very night. I believe he would have skipped over the crawling and/or walking stage as he entered Heaven and just took off running.  Fourteen years of being a paraplegic, I definitely would.I can just hear the shouting as he entered the gates.

I was reading in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. “The Mystery of Time”

(1) There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven. (2) a time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot; (3) a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down and a time to heal; (4) a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to laugh; (5) a time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace and a time to avoid embracing; (6) a time to search and a time to count as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away; (7) a time to tear and a time to sew; a time to be silent and a time to speak; (8) a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.

Every season has a purpose and a part to play in the bigger story of our lives.  We can learn to embrace what struggles, trials, hardships, etc.. that stirs inside us and what I have found is that it will bring you a deeper longing for the presence of the Savior.

a beautiful boy with a beautiful smile and now a beautiful angel.

Brently signs “angel wings” often.  I know his brother is watching out for him as he faces his daily challenges.  The late night giggles bring back memories of when they both shared a room and would get in trouble for not going to sleep.  Brently would yell back at me (he is my attitude). Brandon, (the mischievous one), would giggle and then we all three would be laughing.  Non-verbal children can speak volumes.  This I do know from first hand experience.  Oh, how I miss these times. We all miss these times.  There is a time for everything.

God is showing me to see, hear, and speak truth.  To seek Him.  To know Him.  There are many times when I don’t see and hear and speak in a godly manner and for that I am ashamed.  Dealing with depression and anxiety, it’s a daily battle. I am ashamed.  Losing friendships of what I thought would be life long friendships, I am ashamed. Not gonna lie…. It HURTS!  These are just a few examples of what God is teaching me in His timing and with the death of my son, He is showing a purpose for all of these things and so much more.  There is a time for everything.

I still mourn the loss of my son.  I still think it’s not fair.  No one should EVER have to face this kind of hardship. I’ve even had some to say “you should be over it by now”  but, if you peel back the layers one by one, you will, through prayer and being in His Word, begin to see what God sees and not care what others think.  Five years still seems like an eternity and yesterday all wrapped up in a ball.  There are days and nights I cry out to God when I feel like I can’t face a new day.  There are days and nights when I text my prayer warriors and let them know I am having a moment and need prayer. There are days and nights my loving husband holds me and never says a word because he understands. Sometimes there are no words and that’s o.k too.

There is a time for everything!

God shows me in His timing when and what I need.

Brandon, we are missing you.  Forever in our hearts.  In God’s timing we will see you again.


One Comment on “Missing You: God’s Timing

  1. Oh, sweet Tonya – my tears and heart are with you. Such a beautiful boy with an amazing smile! I can’t even imagine losing a precious child at the age of Brandon. Yes, heaven will be sweet; and there is a time for everything under the sun. Brandon will be healthy & whole when you get there, just like our little Bryan – reunion time! Many, many blessings on you & your family today…


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