I think I am drowning in my own sorrow. I’m the lady who can handle everything that comes her way…. ya, NOT so much! I am drowning. I pick myself up off the ground every single day hoping that I have made some sort of difference in a person’s life. My son’s life. His life matters! Brently’s life does matter! He has a purpose! God says he does. (Jer. 29:11)
About a week and a half ago, we received news that Brent is now blind in his right eye and will need surgery on his left (good) eye. I could feel the devastation on my face crumble as the world went numb and the Doctor’s voice grew softer in the background. I cried and cried and cried some more. Here I am again asking and pleading with God in not understanding why and what have I done to cause him the pain he is suffering from not being able to see. What could I have done in a year’s time to stop it from getting this bad? Thoughts began to flood my mind and I became overwhelmed with it all. I became angry. All those feelings of depression started hovering my thoughts and in the midst of drowning, I felt a peace. I honestly believe God knew I would be dramatic about the whole thing. Haha! That’s some hard news to take in and swallow and I was completely crushed just as the first day I received news of the boys first diagnosis of Congenital Hydrocephalus, then it was L1Cam Syndrome, then it was Epilepsy, then it was Cortical Vision Impairment that has now left my son blind in one eye after all these years, and so much more that the feeling of when you do hear the bad news , your being slapped in the face or sinking in sand or completely drowning in water with no escape to breathe.
I began to put some praise and worship music on and really listen to the songs being sung and took in the truth of God’s Word thru the music playing in my ear. My drowning began to change. I felt uplifted. I felt anointed by my God who comforts me (2 Cor. 1:3-4), my God who loves me (Psalm 144:1-2), my God who heals those who are brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), He delivered me again when I felt I couldn’t go on. He is STILL delivering me through this process. Brent may be blind in one eye physically, but I had become blind in both spiritually!
I’m like every parent who wants their child to experience everything this world has to offer and more. As a mom, it truly hurts deep within knowing that your child “can’t”. We evaluate every little thing to make that “can’t into a “can”. So, when that time comes, the celebration is powerful because you know you’re doing all that you can do to help them achieve that goal that you set and worked on for so long. It’s powerful for me because I know that God had His hand in it.
So, as the days go by, another goal is being set and with Brent’s good eye, we will press on! That’s what we do. We keep pressing on in every challenge we face and every goal we set to achieve.
God restored my faith again. He alone keeps me grounded when I feel like I am being hit by this world and all of its fury. Brent is happy and I am thankful and so blessed!