Mixed Emotions

I ask myself these questions from time to time now.  How does one celebrate for one child and still continue to mourn the loss of another child?  Can I be still be happy for the one I still have here with me?  Will this sadness linger on forever?

Not only am I hurting mentally but I am physically and spiritually.  You would think that I would have all this under control.  I have had so many mixed emotions from the time Brandon and Brently were born but I never dreamed life could take so many drastic turns.  What I mean by this is that there have been such hard decisions that I have had to make that I had to pray about because I, myself could not make these type decisions alone. I still to this day struggle with knowing if I made/make the right ones. It is a constant battle.  If I didn’t have my faith then I have no idea where or what I’d do.  God has been my refuge and strength through many years of joys and struggles.  What I have learned through this life so far is that although I have many pity parties, I’m not alone.  I have a wonderful life with some of the most courageous and NEVER giving up no matter what, beautiful, smiling through the pain,  handsome little boys and a loving husband that cares for me in all that I do. It is now coming up on the  one year anniversary of Brandon’s death and as I look back on Brandon’s life,  and the accomplishments he made, he was none other than one miracle after another.  When a doctor looks at you and says ” God can’t even help this child & he will amount to nothing and will not even live to see the age of 5 years old”, and to answer that….my thoughts are… when FAITH steps in and says “with childlike trust, hold out your hand. Simply believing salvation’s plan”.  That my friends, is what I have been experiencing since 1998. With all the hurt and frustration and anger and guilt, there is more to life than that.  I have a God that brings me joy and peace and love and knowing that He supplies my every need in His timing and not my own,  I will continue to have mixed emotions about certain things because I am human but daily reminding myself that God has got this is what it’s all about really and just knowing He is in control no matter the outcome.  I am blessed! God is good! My children are a gift from God no matter what anyone thinks or says! I praise Him in the midst of it all! 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

So Greatly Loved

sogreatlyoved

Hope For The Broken Hearted

Blog by Debbie Kay, Founder of Hope For The Broken Hearted Ministries

%d bloggers like this: