The Day I told him “I’ll see you again”

brandon smile

This guy right here made me the mom I am today.  With multiple brain surgeries, feeding tubes, feeding pumps, hip surgery, multiple tendon releases in each leg and foot, (VNS) Vagus Nerve surgery, 2 spinal infusions, surgery on each thumb (inward thumb/visibility of L1 syndrome), Budd-Chiari Syndrome, and numerous seizures that more than 50% of them were life threatening. He was on life support during those times.  I can truly say that this child has had more on him than I could ever imagine.

Brandon’s strength was so real in his weakest moments. Oh, how I learned to pray on my knees!

Our life consisted of many Doctor’s appointment’s, hospital visits, and therapies.  We lived in 3 different hospitals more than we did at home.  I will say that through everything, I learned the true meaning of patience.  That doesn’t mean I slip up from time to time, but I am better.  My attitude toward life changed me and I am so grateful.  Why do you ask? Because through the eyes of my son, I seen an unconditional love that only God can give. Brandon was such a joy.  He left this earth on October 22, 2013 and went to Heaven. The smile you seen on his face let you know that when you are truly at your worst, you can still praise the Lord in and through it all.  I will never forget a single moment that we shared for 14 years.

When we were admitted into the hospital for the last time,  I will never forget that I physically knew something was wrong about this trip. I even told my mom that something is wrong and that I was scared of the outcome.  I had taken a picture (while on the phone with my mom) of Brandon because his color was so off. I told her she needed to come over because I was calling 911. You could tell he was struggling to breath. I didn’t know til later that night that he had seized for more than twelve hours.  What I thought was just another week in the hospital didn’t even compare to what was about to happen next. I am full of knowledge when it comes to my children’s medical history and current stage of life. That’s just what mom’s do, right? I thought to myself that this could not be happening because just the night before, we were laying in his bed, singing, and playing. I told him that I loved him.  He smiled really big and I knew that his response was the same. I know he loved me too. He went to sleep and never opened his eyes again.


There are no words that can even describe having to turn off the life support that is holding a loved one here while you say your last goodbyes.  I wanted those machines to keep working cause I didn’t want to let my baby go. But, God had other plans. He was ready for him to come HOME.

A PEACE that passes ALL understanding was in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit room #4 that cold and dreary night.  I can not explain it but it was there!
To lose a child, there are no words that you can possibly say to a parent.  It is heart wrenching.  A piece of you that you carried is gone and there is nothing you can do about it. I do have hope.  I know we will be together again with all who have gone before us.  That is what keeps me going. Knowing that assurance, I have FAITH, no doubt! I can’t wait to see him. I can’t wait to see Jesus!

I often wonder….What will Brandon’s first words be when we see each other?  Will he hug me? Will we JUMP for joy as we celebrate being in Heaven together?  What will Brandon and Brently’s verbal conversation be like?  So many questions will be answered on that day.  I feel that it will be a celebration like no other.

Brandon was a lovable boy who gave his all in everything he could do.  He was non-verbal but he spoke more than a million words.  He is a true legacy! I still have people come up to me and share some of their greatest moments that they had with Brandon and how he touched their heart and that makes my heart smile over and over again.  He will never be forgotten! My son, my SuPeR HeRo, my little monkey face, is with Jesus and I can’t wait to stroll over Heaven with him. Until God calls me home, I’ll continue missing you but rest assured, “I’ll see you again, Brandon”.

About Tonya Aycock

Hi, my name is Tonya. I am a wife and mom of two children (Brandon & Brently). I am a born again Christian. My passion is raising awareness for my boys and making sure they have the very best that I can give them. I love singing. I was in a Southern Gospel Group for about three years, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I think most of all, besides the singing, I enjoyed meeting people and sharing my testimony of how God has brought me through. I love playing guitar and hearing my sweet husband play music and sing to our boys. I enjoy making crafts and designing floral arrangements. I love camping. I am always up for a new adventure! I enjoy working in my yard and anything outdoors. I love my home. I like taking pictures of God’s beautiful creation. The hummingbirds, Canadian geese, turtles, and deer are beautiful! I never dreamed that I would enjoy the country as much as I do. I have always been a city kind of girl, so let’s just say I am adjusting to the country's life well. Haha! Another exciting thing about my husband and myself is that we have always wanted to open a restaurant. Maybe one day… who knows…. I created this blog to share the in’s and out’s of daily living of being a mom of children with special needs, how life can change in an instant, losing a child, finding real friendships that live the same kind of life that I do that truly understand, and much more. I love to talk about my faith as I learn how to cope through life (good and bad) together. I want to always put complete control in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, because without Him, I am nothing. My prayer is that I can somehow help someone by sharing my story. It is most definitely easier said than done, and I fail daily, but striving to make things work in a world that doesn’t understand is just one of the reasons I am here, writing and sharing my story and trying to be the best me as I can and being the best mother that my children will love and respect and see me survive and thrive as I watch them surviving two thriving in life. But, most of all that they see Jesus in me. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 God has a plan for my life and my family as well and for who is reading this right now. I can only hope and pray that I am doing what He has called me to do…… Being a wife, mom, advocate of special needs, a friend, encourager, but most of all… a servant of His. This has been and continues to be a unique life raising my SuPeR HeRo children dancing in the rain of the beautiful, messy life!
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