The Day I told him “I’ll see you again”

brandon smile

This guy right here made me the mom I am today.  With multiple brain surgeries, feeding tubes, feeding pumps, hip surgery, multiple tendon releases in each leg and foot, (VNS) Vagus Nerve surgery, 2 spinal infusions, surgery on each thumb (inward thumb/visibility of L1 syndrome), Budd-Chiari Syndrome, and numerous seizures that more than 50% of them were life threatening. He was on life support during those times.  I can truly say that this child has had more on him than I could ever imagine.

Brandon’s strength was so real in his weakest moments. Oh, how I learned to pray on my knees!

Our life consisted of many doctor’s appointment’s, hospital visits, and therapies. We lived in 3 different hospitals more than we did at home. I was begging Administration at the hospitals to build us an Aycock Wing. Haha!  I will say that through everything though, I learned the true meaning of patience.  That doesn’t mean I slip up from time to time, that’s for sure but I am better.  My attitude toward life changed me and I am so grateful for that.  Why do you ask? Because through the eyes of Brandon, I seen an unconditional love that only God can give. Brandon was such a joy.  He left this earth on October 22, 2013 and went to Heaven. The smile you seen on his face let you know that everything is going to be okay and when you are truly at your worst, you can still praise the Lord in and through it all.  I will always remember every single moment that we shared for 14 years.

When we were admitted into the hospital for the last time,  I could feel within my soul and knew something was wrong about this trip. I even told my mom that something is wrong and that I was scared of the outcome.  I had taken a picture (while on the phone with my mom) of Brandon because his color was so off. I told her she needed to come over because I was calling 911. You could tell he was struggling to breath. I didn’t know til later that night that he had seized for more than twelve hours.  What I thought was just another week in the hospital didn’t even compare to what was about to happen next. I am full of knowledge when it comes to my children’s medical history and the current stage of life and the expectancy of what could happen and that’s just what mom’s do, right? I thought to myself that this could not be happening because just the night before, we were laying in his bed, singing, and playing. I told him that I loved him.  He smiled really big and I knew that his response was the same. I know he loved me too. He went to sleep and never opened his eyes again.


There are no words that can even describe having to be put in the position of turning off life support that you know is the only thing holding a loved one here on this Earth while you say your last goodbyes.  I wanted those machines to keep working. I begged and pleated with God to let me keep him here because I didn’t want to let my baby go. But, God had other plans. He was ready for him to come HOME.

A PEACE that passes ALL understanding was in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit room #4 that cold and dreary night.  I can not explain it but it was there!
To lose a child, there are no words that you can possibly say to a parent.  It is heart wrenching.  A piece of you that you carried is gone and there is nothing you can do about it. I do have hope.  I know we will be together again and what a day that will be. That is what keeps me going. Knowing that assurance, I have FAITH, no doubt! I can’t wait to see him. I can’t wait to see Jesus!

I often wonder….What will Brandon’s first words be when we see each other?  Will he hug me? Will we JUMP for joy as we celebrate being in Heaven together?  What will Brandon and Brently’s verbal conversation be like?  So many questions will be answered on that day.  I feel that it will be a celebration like no other and to see my children walking and talking for the very first time…… I can just see it!

Brandon was a lovable boy who gave his all in everything he could do.  He was non-verbal but he spoke more than a million words.  He is a true legacy! I still have people come up to me and share some of their greatest moments that they had with Brandon and how he touched their heart and that makes my heart smile over and over again.  He will never be forgotten! My son, my SuPeR HeRo, my little monkey face, is with Jesus and I can’t wait to stroll over Heaven with him. Until God calls me home, I’ll continue missing you but rest assured, “I’ll see you again, Brandon”.

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