The Day I told him “I’ll see you again”

This guy right here made me the mom I am today.  With multiple brain surgeries, feeding tubes and pumps, a right hip surgery, multiple brandon smiletendon releases in each leg and foot, (VNS) Vagus Nerve surgery, 2 spinal infusions, surgery on each thumb (inward thumb/visibility of L1 syndrome), Budd-Chiari Syndrome and numerous seizures that more than 50% of them were life threatening and was on life support during those times,  I can say that this child has had more on him than I could ever imagine.

Brandon’s strength was so real in his weakest moments. Oh, how I learned to pray on my knees!

Our life consisted of many, many Doctor’s appointment’s and hospital visits.  We lived in 3 different hospitals more than we did at home.  I will say that through everything, I learned the true meaning of patience.  That doesn’t mean I slip up from time to time, but I am better.  My attitude toward life changed me and I am so grateful.  Why do you ask? Because through the eyes of my son, I seen an unconditional love that only God can give. Brandon was such a joy.  He left this earth on October 22, 2013 and went to Heaven. The smile you seen on his face let you know that when you are truly at your worst, you can still praise the Lord in and through it all.  I will never forget a single moment that we shared for 14 years.

When we were admitted into the hospital for the last time,  I will never forget that I physically knew something was wrong about this trip to the hospital.  I even told my mom that something is wrong and that I was scared of the outcome.  I had taken a picture (while on the phone with my mom) of Brandon and calling 911 in the process because this seizure was different this time. His color was off and you could tell he was struggling to breath. I didn’t know til later on that he had seized for more than twelve hours.  What I thought was just another week in the hospital, I just wasn’t prepared for what was coming next.  I am a PRO when it comes to my children’s medical history and current stage of life. That’s just what Mom’s do, Right? I thought this could not be happening because just the night before, we were laying in his bed, singing and playing and I told him I love him.  He smiled really big and went to sleep. He never opened his eyes again.

As he laid there in bed in room number four of the PICU, we received news that there was no more brain activity, I can’t even begin to tell you the flood of emotions and memories that came back to me as I crawled in his bed and whispered in his ear that I loved him more than life itself and would see him again one day and that Jesus wants him to come HOME and be with him and that he will be WALKING in Heaven soon. I told him there will be no more pain and all the suffering that he had to endure will no longer exist because he will be free of all the hurt and agony that he faced here on earth in his crippled body.    What a feeling that must have been to be free from a body that is crippled.  From sitting to completely standing and running….

brandon-last-night.png

There are no words that can even describe having to turn off the life support that is holding your loved one here while you say your last goodbyes.  I wanted those machines to keep working cause I didn’t want to let my baby go. But God had other plans. He was ready for him to come HOME.

A PEACE that passes ALL understanding was in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit room #4 that cold and dreary night.  I cant explain it but it was there!
To lose a child, there are no words that you can possibly say to a parent.  It is heart wrenching.  A piece of you that you carried is gone and there is nothing you can do about it. I have hope.  I know we will be together again with all who have gone before us.  That is what keeps me going. Knowing that assurance, I have FAITH, no doubt! I can’t wait to see him. I can’t wait to see Jesus!

I often wonder….What will Brandon’s first words be when we see each other?  Will he hug me? Will we JUMP for joy as we celebrate being in Heaven together?  What will Brandon and Brently’s conversation be like?  So many questions will be answered on that day.  I feel that it will be a celebration like no other.

Brandon was a lovable boy who gave his all in everything he could do.  He was non-verbal but he spoke more than a million words.  A true legacy! I still have people come up to me and share some of their greatest moments that they had with Brandon and how he touched their heart and that makes my heart smile over and over again.  He will never be forgotten! My son, my SuPeR HeRo, my little monkey face, is with Jesus and I can’t wait to stroll over Heaven with him.

 

 

 

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